My mother-in-law (Big Red) has a very thick German accent. As such, her w’s sound like v’s, and vica versa (or is it wica wersa?) She’s also very proper, classy, and thinks words like “fart” are absolutely profane.
In their guest bathroom upstairs is a very special toilet. This toilet possesses a special button that when pushed promptly whisks foul odors from the toilet bowl (I’m not sure where they end up, but it’s definitely not in her house, neighborhood, or general vicinity). This toilet is called a “Vent-Away”.
Upon one of my first visits to their home, Big Red (BR) ensured it was just the two of us in the room, and gave me some simple rules of bathroom etiquette (OK, seriously, how many of you have as an adult been given bathroom etiquette rules when visiting someone’s house? Anyway…).
BR: If you happen to be menstruating [told you she was proper], please do not flush your tampons down the toilet. Our systems clog easily.
Me: Okay.
BR: And if you use sanitary napkins [see!], there is a garbage can next to the toilet for them.
Me: Okay. No problem.
BR: And if you should have a bowel movement, make sure you use the Vent a Vay.
Me: The what?
BR: The Vent a Vay. The button is right there on the side.
Me: Okay…
It was easier to just reply in the affirmative than ask what she was talking about. Husby later gave me a quick tour of the handy-dandy “my shit don’t stink” button. Pretty nifty.
One of my favorite definitions for vent is: “a means of exit or escape; an outlet, as from confinement.” Like BR’s special toilet, I have the means necessary to release things that have been trapped or, ahem, constipating my person. Hence the Vent a Vay blog!
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